outspoken

I think some examples would be helpful but, first, let me provide a little background.

I grew up an only girl with four brothers, three of them older.  In the early years, this meant I was teased and picked on which, without a doubt, toughened me up.  Eventually, I fought back.  Living as a meek picked on sister was just not part of my chemical make-up.  I was also a ‘go getter’ so my competitiveness led me to want to prove that I could do anything my brothers could do.  While I cared what I looked like, I was more into sports and outdoor activities than painting my nails and searching for the best skin care products.  Getting dirty and bruised were simply expected side effects of the things I enjoyed doing.  You could say I was a bit of a Tomboy.

My first job out of college was at one of the big CPA firms.  Even though I had always had high grades, I knew I was behind others at my entry level.  This is because accounting was not my original career path.  I first wanted to be a teacher… then a lawyer… then a psychologist.  Since Psychology was what I was interested in during my last year of high school, it was what I pursued in education.  But after completing my undergraduate degree, something washed over me.  I was now certain I wanted to be an Accountant!

After taking three or four introductory accounting and finance classes, I learned the CPA firms were hiring off cycle.  I had been exceling in my classes, so my accounting professor encouraged me to apply.  If nothing else, it would give me interview experience.  You can imagine my surprise when one of these firms decided to take a chance on me!  Still, I knew becoming a CPA would be no small effort.  It would require taking 13 accounting courses, while working full time, before I could sit for the CPA exam.

Anyone who knows anything about the early years in a CPA firm knows the pay is low, the hours are long, and the expectations are high.  Add a heavy course load and volunteer work and I was one tired CPA wannabe.  On top of this, I found myself, yet again, in a man’s world.  Although there were plenty of females working at the firm, the good ole boys club mentality definitely existed.  None of these things fared well for controlling my tongue.

While many of the men I worked with were respectful and professional, this was not the case for all of them. I remember one manager who was both smart and successful, yet incredibly needy at the same time.  His need for others to feed his ego was exhausting.  Another manager was derogatory toward females.  And then there were the partners.  While one of them was too friendly, another would not even say hello while passing you in the hallway.  Yet one other was so intelligent, he had no qualms treating us inexperienced staff like a necessary inconvenience.

My work environment was ripe for my competitiveness and lack of grace as a female.  It wasn’t long before I was comfortable speaking my mind.  Unfortunately, I had some growing up to do myself.  I remember clearly telling one manager that the management in the firm was the worst I had ever seen, as if I had the experience to support it.  In reality, my intent was to harm as opposed to communicate a concern.  Since I was bothered by the good ole boys club and lack of maturity and professionalism in the firm, I thought I had the right to express it.  Hurting that manager’s feelings to get this off my chest did not bother me a bit.  Talk about a hypocrite!

This was not my only vice in the workplace.  As I look back on those days and even some years following, gossip was, unfortunately, part of my common speak.  Complaining and discussing the immature and unfair things that happened in the office made me feel better, even if it meant my words were defaming another person.  Clearly, I thought I was at least a level or two above the people I was gossiping about.  In fact, I now understand gossip to be an indirect way of elevating oneself.  If others look bad, I look better.  If I can demonstrate they are immature or unfair then, clearly, I am not.  As the old saying goes, I was throwing rocks while living in a glass house!

If that is not enough, my unwise words increased when I was under the influence of alcohol.  I have always had a concern for justice and often spoke up when I perceived it was absent.  I was especially adept at speaking up for those who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) speak up for themselves.  Since I was already fearless to speak my mind in a sober state, having the decreased inhibitions that come with alcohol was a recipe for disaster.

I remember a time when a friend’s boyfriend was speaking unkindly to her while a group of us were playing pool at a sports bar.  I knew this guy had been harsh and controlling throughout their relationship and she was allowing it.  So, I proceeded, in my not so sober state, to tell him what a jerk he was and that he had no right to speak to her that way.  This resulted in blatant irritation on his part which he first took out on me and, later, on my friend.  This caused my friend to resent me for my outburst and interference in her life.  Clearly, no one won.