Cancer

One of my greatest challenges of all time, and one that I continue to struggle with today, is humble submission in the workplace.  To be clear, I find it easy to submit to those who are kind, considerate, realistic, reliable, humble, and driven by integrity.  I think we all do.  But I do not have a great track record of responding well to what I consider poor leadership.  Over and over, I have failed the test of workplace submission in the face of a Supervisor who has been inconsiderate, unreliable, unrealistic, self-centered, dishonest, or simply mean.  In fact, I clearly remember one such Supervisor, who I will call Tina for the purpose of this post, who proved to be a solid test for my weakness in this area.  The very memory causes me to cringe.

Tina was a Christian, had a bubbly personality, and was well liked by executive management.  She was also a hard worker and had high career aspirations.  From the outside looking in, I expect you would see Tina in a positive light.  But, from the inside, she was more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one moment kind and considerate and the next surprisingly mean.  At first, I couldn’t understand why executive management favored her.  Over time, however, I saw that Tina was quite adept at workplace politics.  While those below her had the misfortune of seeing Mr. Hyde, those equal to or above her status only saw the easy to get along with Dr. Jekyll.

Tina made promises she didn’t keep and showed favoritism among team members.  She would say things to scare the team into working long hours for a deadline that didn’t actually exist, sometimes causing missed commitments in our personal lives.  And because Tina was comfortable with subtle manipulation to get what she wanted; I would often see inconsistencies in the things she said without her even realizing it.  She even knew how to word e-mails, at times slightly deceiving, in her own favor.  Her main goal in life seemed to be climbing the corporate ladder and she was, in fact, particularly good at it.  But for me, and some other employees below her ranks, she was less than deserving.

For a long time, I was outwardly submissive to Tina knowing it is what God calls me to do, but inside I was full of resentment.  Eventually, I attempted to talk to Tina about how her management style was affecting my team, including our work-life balance.  She would not hear it.  We just needed to get the work done.  She had no sympathy for extracurricular activities.  A couple of times, I was unsuccessful at containing my resentment and candidly showed my anger and frustration… but Tina was retaliatory.  My show of anger resulted in additional work received at 5 PM (to be completed that day) or embarrassment in staff meetings.  I greatly disrespected Tina and everything about her.

Sitting here reflecting, I can honestly say I felt justified in my dislike for Tina.  In my mind, she was completely self-focused and did not deserve my respect.  You might even agree with me.  But let me dissect this a little further so we can see it from multiple angles.

First, what did my release of anger accomplish?  Sure, it made me feel better for a moment, but it certainly didn’t make my work life any easier.  I also allowed it to steal my joy beyond the workplace.  Resentment emanating from pride is like cancer.  I carried it home with me and, by harboring it, I allowed it to spread and negatively affect my personal life as well.

Second, remember that Tina was a professed Christian.  While her management style certainly didn’t reflect this, I responded to this wrong with another wrong by not controlling my anger.  In so doing, I dishonored my own Christianity.