September 2020

They say beauty is only skin deep and, when it comes to physical beauty, I agree.  While physical beauty is alluring to many, we all know it fades in time and, one day, completely disappears.  But there is another beauty that grows more beautiful in time… one that is far deeper and much more attractive… at least to eyes that can see.

Growing up, not unlike other young females, I wanted to be thin and beautiful.  I desired lovely hair, skin, clothes, and all the other ‘attractive’ things we women seek after.  But there were limitations to my beauty that I couldn’t overcome.  For one, God gave me very white skin.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not develop a natural tan.  I would lay in the sun, trying every tanning lotion and oil that existed, as well as frequent trips to the tanning salon, to no avail.  I just wasn’t meant to tan.

Not willing to accept my pale skin, I turned to ‘tan in a bottle’.  During the summer, I wanted to look like a ‘normal’ person with beautiful, bronzed color.  But this avenue required daily maintenance as well as diligent care to avoid noticeable blotches around knees and ankles, not to mention the menace of yellow palms that could easily result from repetitive application.  The thing is, I didn’t want people to know my tan wasn’t natural… that maintaining it meant 20 minutes a day with careful application in the right places and vigilant washing in the wrong ones.  And, while I worked hard to look ‘O natural’ with my tanning secret, I was rather unsuccessful.

I clearly remember one awkward time when I was competing in a beach volleyball tournament with three of my CPA study mates.  While we were waiting for our round, it began pouring and, to my horror, my tan started running off my legs.  Before long, one of my teammates, noticing the brown and white streaks, innocently asked if I was tanning from a bottle.  Despite the fact her deductive reasoning was spot on, I adamantly assured her I wasn’t!  With a somewhat bewildered look, she chose not to press further.  And while I was grateful for her lack of prodding, I was extremely embarrassed.

Although this event led me to stop using tan in a bottle, I carried my self-consciousness about my ‘whiteness’ around for many years after.  I was simply embarrassed of my pastel exterior.  Almost equally embarrassing was the amount of hair I had on my arms for a female.  I can’t tell you how many times I heard the phrase “Holy cow, look at the hair on your arms!”, or something similar.  Unfortunately, my mother would not allow me to shave, so I lived with those comments for many years.

I could continue with the remaining list of my physical insecurities, areas I was larger than I wanted to be and other areas smaller than desired, but I think you get the picture. I had God given physical attributes that kept me feeling less than beautiful.

Do you have physical characteristics you would change if you could?  Have you spent countless hours trying to change the way you look or mourning the fact that you can’t?  Perhaps it’s your body shape, acne, nose, hair (or lack thereof), muscle mass, or height.  We all have physical insecurities.  And, oh, the time and money many of us have spent to remedy them!

But what of our interior?  Is this visible to others?  And, if it is, do we care what they see in us.  And if we do care, how much time do we spend on it?  These are questions I found myself asking when I began taking my faith walk seriously.  While I was focusing on my outer beauty, my inner beauty took a back seat in time and energy.