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May 2020

Reflections

“I Can’t Breathe”

by Tracy Brackett

6/12/12  3:12 a.m.

Hate evil, Love good. Do not justify evil or allow its presence. Challenge it and move on. Evil is all around. Do not allow it to penetrate your being. Be watchful and prayerful concerning this. I have conquered evil and will continue to do so until the end and evil is gone completely from the world. Replace evil with Love. Love conquers evil. Love is stronger than evil. Challenge evil with Love today.

It’s 1:59 A.M on Thursday 5/28/20.  My mind won’t let me sleep.  I can’t erase the events of 5/25/20 and the graphic video I saw last night.  I think I’m in shock.  Our Nation is hurting and hope feels evasive.  This is not how it should be.  George Floyd is a real person, a human being, a father, a coworker, a friend.  He is a child of God.  George Floyd died three days ago.  The inhumanity of his death is incomprehensible.  Shame befalls us and I don’t know how to reconcile it. 

I grew up in Canada and came to America with almost no knowledge of American black history (the slavery, the lynching, the civil war, the fight for equality).  I’ve been living in America for over 21 years and, sadly, remained in ignorance for most of them.  Due to racial reconciliation topics raised by our church, my husband, Joe, and I began educating ourselves in this area over the past couple of years.  We asked questions, watched movies and documentaries, read and learned…and our new-found knowledge has been devastating. 

Five years ago, we moved to Durham, NC and have made more African American friends than I’ve had in a lifetime.  Perhaps that was God’s plan.  He knew I wouldn’t achieve the correct level of understanding unless it was personal.  And it is personal.  My African American friends are afraid to leave their house.  They are telling their children to stay inside.  They are telling each other not to wear a hoodie on the streets.  Their pain has become my pain and it’s penetrating my soul.  My emotions are exploding and I’m crying out to God for answers.  Lord, please rescue us from ourselves! 

I do not understand white supremacy, how one person or race can elevate themselves above another person or race to the point of death.  How hatred can rule a life and the indescribable actions that come forth from it.  But this is more than white supremacy.  This is pure evil.  A complete disregard for the rights and dignity of another.  A coldness that is almost robotic.  Is there ANY feeling there?  White skin touched black skin.  Two hearts were beating, one with calmness and superiority and the other with fear and desperation.  Two bodies were breathing, one freely and effortlessly while the other fought for air.  One heart stopped beating, one body is no longer breathing.  The images are raw and vivid.  Please tell me it’s not so.  This is not how we were created. 

I know that You are good, God.  I know that You see the inhumanity and I know it’s not of You.  Please help us fight this evil that is before and around us.  Please help every human being declare IT’S ENOUGH!  Please help us create awareness.  Please help us make it personal.  Please help us to implement change that prevents this atrocity from happening in the future of our children.  Please help us God, we need You. 

If COVID-19 is a wake-up call, why are so many still sleeping? I want to ask you personally, are you awake? Or are you indifferent to the inhumanity described above? Please nation, please world…wake-up!  We all need to be a part of eliminating this devastating behavior! What will you do for your part?

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble (I John: 2:9-10, NIV)

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Looking Back

My Selfish Ambition

by Tracy Brackett

5/8/12 1:58 AM

Truth. Always look for it. There is no other way than truth. You can always find it if you look. It is freeing, for you and for others. Find truth in all situations and rely on it. Truth is of Me and comes from Me. I am your guide and your example. Find truth and live truth. Show others there is a better way. Every day. Day by day. People will see you represent Me.

During my teenage years and into my 20’s, I experienced what the world would define as a fairly successful life.  I was loved by my parents who encouraged me to do and be whatever I set my mind to.  Their confidence gave me boldness and I had my hands into just about everything, from sports to student council to pageants and high grades, it was as if I had it all.  At the age of 24, I was working for one of the largest CPA firms in the world and I was proud.  I had big dreams. 

One night, while traveling for my job, I sat in my hotel room.  I was now 28 and just found out I passed the CPA exam.  Another feather in my cap and I thought for sure I’d be on top of the world.  But I wasn’t.  Alone in that room, I felt lost and empty.  It didn’t make sense. 

I flipped through my bible searching for encouragement and came across a pamphlet tucked between the pages.  The pamphlet talked about sin and how unsuccessful we humans are at controlling our own lives in the absence of Jesus.  As I continued reading, it was as if scales fell from my eyes.  The clarity was astonishing.  I could suddenly see the truth and gravity of my own sinfulness, how my life was marked by the high of each success and the desire for the next one.  How focus on self often meant disregard for others.  How worldly success had become my god.  The weight of this self-realization was almost unbearable.  I wept. 

With complete conviction, I confessed my sinfulness and admitted my need for Jesus.  I asked Him to come into my heart and take control of my life.  I couldn’t do it without Him.  He responded.  Simultaneously, the hotel room became bright with light, I felt the power of the Holy Spirit enter my body and I was overcome with a feeling of peace I can barely describe.  While this experience lasted only a few seconds, it was life changing. 

As humans, we like to believe in and justify our own truth, a truth that is often self-validating.  If we believe it to be true, we can live it without guilt.  For me, worldly success was an obvious goal.  I thought, “it’s what everyone strives for, so it must be good and right”.  But God opened my eyes to see what ‘everyone’ strives for is often marked by selfish ambition in a world that refuses to see the God who created them for something better.  The truth I was living not only imprisoned me in a world that was false, but empty.  I realized I no longer wanted what everyone else was striving for.  I wanted the things of God.  I wanted His will for my life. 

This sudden change didn’t mean the absence of future sinfulness, it meant realizing I couldn’t overcome that sinfulness in the absence of Jesus.  This change also didn’t mean the absence of big dreams or future successes, but it meant seeing those dreams through the lens of God’s will and for His glory, as opposed to my own.  It meant dreams that looked increasingly different from what this temporary world has to offer.  God had opened my eyes to the truth and, through it, He was developing in me an eternal perspective. 

“Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” Matthew 7:13-14 (ESV)

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32 (ESV)

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Intro

Hop Aboard!

by Tracy Brackett

Hello friend!  Hopefully you’ve read about the ‘birth’ of this blog on my “About This Blog” page (found in the top main menu).  It’s foundational to understanding this and future posts and will not be re-explained here.  Instead, for context, my goal is to briefly introduce myself and my planned style of blogging, prior to sharing my first ‘middle of the night’ message. 

I am a married middle-aged woman with a goal of walking humbly with the Lord and growing more like Jesus while doing so.  God has grown me in several ways since my true conversion in 1999, at the age of 28, but I have not arrived.  My Christian growth is ongoing  and will be until the day I part this earth.  In this blog, I’d like to share my journey, the ups, the downs, the successes, the failures, the struggles and the joys and why, through it all, I still believe Jesus is worth it! Despite my genuine love for God, you’ll read about some of my biggest failures in following Him and why, as time goes on, I fall more and more in love with the God who is steadfast in compassion and forgiveness.  Truth is, it’s these failures that grew me the most and it’s these failures that I hope will be an encouragement to you that, although we struggle in an imperfect world, there’s a God who sees, understands and upholds us despite our failures.  If you are on the same Christian path as I, I want you to see that you are not alone in your shortcomings and there is grace for us in our humility.  If you are not on the same Christian path, I want to give you a picture of what it looks like and invite you to join me on this road to life and sanctification.  Finally, if you do not see your shortcomings, my goal is to open your eyes to the reality of them, not for shame or guilt, but for freedom.  It is only through the humility of seeing that we can experience true growth.

“Change is not found in defending our righteousness, but in admitting our weakness and crying for help.” (Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies, May 18)

I do not seek glory in this blog, at least not for myself.  That belongs to our Lord God in heaven.  Period. 

Ok, are you ready?  Hop aboard!

But he gives more grace.  Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6, ESV)

Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! (Psalm 115:1, ESV)

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